Nothing has ever felt or been so miraculous for me than being pregnant. We found out about our baby on the very very normal day of October 8th. I will always remember it because it was my older sister Christy’s birthday, it was pouring and pouring rain, and I woke up that morning having the very real thought that I just might be pregnant. It was a very exciting, scary, and at the same time unbelievable feeling. I remember dropping my husband off at work (who by the way had no idea) and driving straight over to Walgreens for a pregnancy test. And yes, after taking it and waiting the exact 3 minutes for results, there it was. A tiny blue plus sign. Instantly my heart began pounding and I got a wave of excitement. How could that little plus sign know that I was pregnant? I didn’t believe it. It took 4 more pregnancy tests, several days, and my husband convincing me a hundred times for me to believe that yes, I Jill Dickison was going to have a baby.
You see, I was having a hard time believing that God is good enough and kind enough and big enough to give us a baby – the most miraculous and wonderful gift in the world. I felt undeserving. I felt like I wasn’t content enough or good enough yet to deserve such a great gift. And yet there I was, staring down at a blue plus sign – proof of His Grace apart from any “good” things I could ever do. (Of course, all of this my sweet husband constantly and patiently reminds me, when worry over our baby’s safety often gets in the way of trusting in God’s care for her). My husband is so great.
And now, 21 and 1/2 weeks later, I’ve heard and seen her tiny heart beating so many times. We’ve seen all 10 cute toes, which my husband says look abnormally long (but his and my toes are a little on the long side, so that makes sense). I’ve felt her little baby kicks, especially after eating ice cream or drinking lots of juice (both of which I can’t help myself indulging in a lot of). She will definitely be a hopeless sweet tooth like me!
God has been faithful week by week, creating this tiny baby inside of me and keeping her growing. He gives His children good gifts even when they really don’t deserve them at all. And He has a hope and a future for each one of us including our little Dickison girl.
“My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” Psalm 139:15-16